Men and abortion, the forgotten fathers

The mental pain and anguish suffered by women who abort their babies is well known and widely publicized within the pro-life movement. In addition, an extensive, grass roots network exists to assist women who face the aftermath of abortion.

What about a man involved in the decision to abort his baby? Does he too suffer negative psychological effects? If so, where can he turn for help to cope? As we investigate these questions and more, you will be surprised by the answers.

Peter and his girlfriend had sex only once. A short time later she phoned to tell him that she was pregnant, even though they had each used contraception. With him as a reluctant participant, she aborted their child. Their relationship was one of the first casualties of the abortion. Peter cited a lack of trust as the reason for the split. Within a couple of months he was using alcohol and drugs to get temporary relief from the pain. In an attempt to deal with his grief, he reached out to his brothers and sisters, only to be told that he did the right thing. His fear of women kept him from dating for 8 years.

Tad was divorced when his girlfriend got pregnant and they agreed to abort their baby. In the process, the relationship was destroyed. Not long after his second marriage, his daughter got pregnant and he assisted her to abort his grandchild. It wasn’t until his daughter planned her second abortion that Tad realized the humanity of the unborn child. In his effort to bury his feelings about the abortions, he assumed a “wooden demeanor”. During this time Tad said he did a lot of damage to his wife and children by being withdrawn.

These are just two of more than thirty-million men who are struggling to cope with the loss of their children through abortion. For many they willingly participated in the decision to abort and assisted their partners in securing an abortion.

Several even pressured their partners into having an abortion. Sadly, some watched helplessly as their precious unborn child was aborted in spite of theirpleas to give their baby life. Still others weren’t told of their fatherhood until after their child had already died in the abortion chamber.

THE SYMPTOMS
Perhaps the most consistent and evident symptom in men due to loss of a child from abortion is anger. A counselor, who personally experienced the abortion decision, indicated that every man he has counseled has a higher level of anger than before the abortion. In addition, each has acted on that anger in some way that was harmful to himself or someone else. Another counselor likened this anger to that of a “ticking time-bomb just waiting to go off.”

A man’s anger and frustration of not being able to protect and provide for his unborn baby, because of abortion, manifests itself in several ways. He oftenturns to alcohol and drugs to dull the pain of feeling he participated in or was too “weak” to prevent the death of his unborn baby. Many become workaholics to avoid contact with other people or in a desperate effort to succeed in a crucial aspect of their life.

The relationship most always fails after a decision to abort. In addition, future relationships with women are often difficult or impossible. A woman has total control over the decision to abort their baby, leaving the father no legal recourse. This lack of control regarding a critical, life-impacting decision often generates considerable resentment and mistrust towards women. As a result of a previous experience, they do not want to be put into another situation where another pregnancy may occur and they have no control of the outcome. Some men experiment with homosexuality because it allows them to have a successful sexual relationship with no commitment and no worry of pregnancy. Men may suffer from other forms of sexual dysfunction such as impotency and addiction to pornography and masturbation.

Other symptoms of a man struggling with a loss from abortion may be that he suffers from sleeplessness, panic attacks, poor coping skills, flashbacks, nightmares or self-imposed isolation. He may be unable to hold a job due to his inability to handle decision making, or he may be an excessive risk-taker in work and social environments, setting himself up for failure. This may come from the feeling that he deserves what he gets for being a loser and failing when it counted most — protecting his unborn baby.

DEALING WITH THE SYMPTOMS
In general, men are more successful than women at burying their feelings after an abortion. If a man fails to face the emotional ftermath of losing his child to abortion within the first couple of months, he will often suppress it for many years, making it more difficult to face. Many men acknowledge various problems in their life without connecting them to a previous abortion decision.

Society makes it doubly tough for men to deal with the aftermath of abortion. First, most in the secular realm don’t even acknowledge the existence of Post-Abortion Stress (PAS) in women. Secondly, men are often taught as children that it is less than manly to show weakness or cry. As a result, men have no societal incentive to realistically deal with their abortion decision.

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